Smiling through Setbacks: A New Perspective on Growing from Failure

How the adoption of a growth mindset makes it impossible to fail

Daily Reminder to Smile!

Growing up, I was always gripped by fear of failure. I preferred to stay within my comfort zone, avoiding risks to shield myself from the possibility of losing, rejection, or feeling lost. It seemed easier to either succeed or not try at all. But what does failure really mean?

Reflecting on my life experiences, I have come to a personal belief: failure is impossible unless you completely give up. Life is a journey of trials and errors, and every time we stumble and rise again, we learn and grow. Perhaps you can recall a recent moment where you felt like a "failure" – a failed relationship, losing a job, or doubting your parenting skills. Although these experiences may seem like setbacks, adopting a growth mindset allows us to view them as opportunities for personal development. In today's blog on Smile with Sander, I am excited to share three personal anecdotes from my own life where I initially felt like I had lost everything, only to realize that they held invaluable life lessons that still resonate with me today.

Losing my job

Two weeks ago, I experienced the loss of my job. For two years, I had dedicated my time and energy to something that now would be gone. With the company shutting down, I felt like all the work I had put in would be erased. Thoughts flooded my mind:

• "Did I give it my all?"

• "Am I truly a skilled marketer?"

• "Should I consider a different career path?"

• "Did I let my team down?"

For a few days, I allowed myself to fully experience the emotions that accompanied losing my first full-time job. It's important to give ourselves permission to feel when significant events occur in our lives. Amidst these deep emotions, I began to feel a sense of pride. I had joined Checkin as a young marketer fresh out of my Master's degree, and I was leaving as an experienced 25-year-old professional with much to be proud of. While it would have been ideal for the company to thrive and continue bringing the community together, life doesn't guarantee victory in every endeavor.

When faced with major life changes, our response becomes crucial. Losing my job wasn't a measure of failure, but rather an opportunity to learn from the experience and shape my future accordingly. Life lessons are a compass for our future endeavors. When you learn and grow from life’s changes, true failure becomes impossible. I’m still feeling the emotions from losing my job, but am so excited for what comes next.

The End of My Dream

Story #2 is inspired by the most significant moment of my life, which actually sparked the creation of this blog on Smile with Sander. As I was cleaning up my apartment last Friday, I stumbled upon my old football cleats. Despite the cleats being ripped for a while, I hadn't been able to part with them. As I held them, halfway towards the garbage can, something made me pause. These cleats represented the last remnants of the defining day of my life: the day I tore my ACL.

Before heading into surgery

It was November 14, 2015, during the championship game. On the first extra point attempt, an opponent broke through my outside blocker and crashed into my leg, abruptly ending my competitive sports career. Until then, sports had consumed my life, and I had dreams of potentially playing college football. On the night of the injury, I wrote these words to myself:

“Laying in bed. It's so hard to keep my leg in the same position. I've been so reliant on this one leg and it is so hard to not roll over and bend this leg in. I grimace in pain is I try to get into a comfortable position. Sports have always been my escape goat and now I may never get the chance to kick another field goal, score another goal, or win another match. Hopefully not. Either way I will not let this injury define me because I am stronger than that. I will come back stronger than ever.”

The six months following the injury became the most transformative period of my life. I discovered the depths of anxiety, battled depression, and learned invaluable lessons. The ground had literally been ripped out from under me, and I believed I had failed myself. Yet, little did I know at the time, the injury would became a catalyst for growth, shaping the man I am today. It taught me to overcome adversity and solidified my decision to pursue my educational goals at my dream school. If I had continued down the path of pursuing a sports career, my life might be entirely different. Although a dream was lost, many new dreams emerged from this major life experience. The worst moment of my life has become the most pivotal one. That doesn't sound like failure, does it?

“Failed” relationships

The last experience touches upon the idea that some things that feel like failure might simply be out of your control. As an empath who strives to get along with everyone, joining a fraternity in college led me to believe that everyone would like me. I assumed that all my fraternity brothers would become my friends. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way that this wasn't the case.

In my first year as a part of the fraternity, I often found myself excluded from group chats, treated poorly, and heard negative talk about me behind my back. Despite this, I still naively considered each person a friend. It wasn't until we embarked on an international trip together over a year later that I realized many of these individuals were never my true friends and didn't treat me with kindness. Initially, it felt like a heavy blow. Why didn't everyone like me? Was there something wrong with me? Through deep introspection, I came to the realization that these “failed friendships” were never friendships to begin with. Many of these people had already formed opinions about me before truly getting to know me. Whether due to politics, differences in partying preferences, or other reasons, they had never even considered being my friends.

Picture from eye-opening trip in 2018.

Based on these experiences, I now approach friendships with a different perspective: People who don't want to be a part of your life are likely not worth your time anyway. There are countless other potential partners or friends out there who genuinely want to be a part of your life and stick around. More importantly, I learned that many things that happen in life will be beyond your control – but that doesn't equate to failure. What you can control is staying true to yourself! When you remain authentic, you attract connections and opportunities that align with your values and bring genuine fulfillment.

No more fear of failure!

Life's journey is filled with ups and downs, and it is our response to these experiences that truly defines us. Instead of allowing failure to define our worth, we can choose to embrace it as a stepping stone toward progress. Losing a job can became a catalyst for self-reflection, reevaluation, and the pursuit of new goals. A devastating sports injury can lead you to discover the depths of your resilience and embrace alternative dreams. And in the face of friendships, you can learn the importance of controlling what you can control and staying true to yourself.

Life is inherently unpredictable, and not everything will be within your control. However, by adopting a growth mindset and continually seeking personal growth, failure becomes an impossibility. Every setback becomes an opportunity to learn, adapt, and evolve. So, with a smile on our faces and an unwavering determination in our hearts, let us face each day knowing that failure is not an endpoint, but a springboard toward our greatest achievements!